Author: mjmadaio
-
Ranch Dressing
I used to love ranch dressing — at times, it was my favorite bottled dressing. There is this pizza place in Richmond, VA called Chanello’s that serves ranch with their pizza and breadsticks, and, although this is hardly beneficial for the arteries, when I was in college it friggin’ rocked.
About 5 years ago, I went out to a pizza spot for lunch with a few people from this contract job I was working. While I was getting myself some napkins and silverware, a girl spilled a cup of ranch dressing down my pants leg. Devastation! I didn’t really know the people I was with and the girl was very apologetic, so I had no choice but to take the incident in stride. I did everything I could to wipe off the dressing and gritted through lunch.
Unfortunately, I was not close to home and I had no way to change, so I was stuck with RanchPants for the rest of the day. It was brutal — I reeked of ranch. Some people talk of bad vodka or tequila experiences… me, I had a bad ranch experience. Ever since that day, I haven’t been able to stomach it at all. I can’t stand the ranch!
-
Hawaii: Lure of the Aloha State
“Positano bites deep. It is a dream place that isn’t quite real when you’re there but becomes beckoningly real after you have gone”.
John Steinbeck famously wrote this about Positano, the jewel of Italy’s Amalfi Coast, in the 1950’s. I, however, having visited both Positano and Hawaii in the past 12 months, would venture to say that this comment is far better suited to the glorious archipelago that is our 50th state than the Italian cliffside village. Don’t get me wrong — Positano is a wonderful town, but quite frankly I don’t dream about going back there. I am glad that I took the time to visit it, but there are too many other places to see before I head back.
Hawaii, on the other hand, beckons me hourly even though I’ve only been gone for a mere 5 days. The beauty and laid-back feeling of the islands is so infectious that it still permeates almost all of my thoughts.
If you have the means, I highly suggest the trip. From the Eastern U.S. it is quite a hike (~12 hours on a plane), but so long as you spend at least a week (preferably more), it is well worthwhile. Hawaii truly may be the ultimate vacation destination, as it offers a wide variety of activities and adventures. If you just want to relax on the beach, obviously some of the very best in the world lie there. If you are more adventurous, hiking, biking, kayaking, surfing, etc. abounds. Looking for culture? The Hawaiian are a proud people with a diverse, interesting history that begs to be learned and studied.
In sum, I have dreamed all my life of going to Hawaii. Now that I have finally been, my dreams will instead be filled with ideas of going back. Isn’t it time you went?
-
How “Wack” Are You?
Yesterday, I saw a woman driving a blue Chrystler Seabring (top down) with a licence plate that read: “IM WACK”.
That’s all.
-
NBA Trade Recap: Risky Proposition for Heat
The NBA executed its largest trade ever last week, involving 13 players. The prevalent opinon is that the Miami Heat, by adding Antoine Walker and Jason Williams (white chocolate), were the clear winners — taking a team that came within one game of the NBA Finals and adding two high profile talents to their squad.
Personally, I think this was a huge mistake for the Heat. Both Walker and Williams are me first stars in what may someday be known as the NBA’s ego era — neither has shown at any time during their careers that they can put the team’s fate in front of their own stats or highlight reel. The Heat were just beginning to gel under D-Wade and Shaq; Adding guys who could easily throw that out of balance is a highly risky move for Pat Riley.
Of course, if anyone can whip these two into shape it is Shaq, so if the big fella has his way he could easily prove me wrong come playoff time.
-
Pat Haines Sent You a Postcard?
So I got this postcard in the mail yesterday… It was yellow and looked like something you’d get from the government — it even said “Offical Business” at the top. The telegram-style message read:
WE ARE TRYING TO REACH YOU. PLEASE CALL US AT THE NUMBER SHOWN ON THE REVERSE OF THIS CARD. THIS IS A FREE CALL.
SINCERELY — PAT HAINES, SALES REPRESENTATIVE(The return address on the card was “N.M.E. / 16120 U.S. 19 North / Clearwater, FL 33764” and the phone number was 1-800-693-9206.)
Obviously, the moment I got this, my scam sensors went to overload. When I first saw NME, I thought of the music magazine (especially since this site used to focus on music reviews), but clearly they would not have send me a ludicrous postcard like this one. And, they are located in the UK, not Florida.
So anyhoo, I did some research and found out that N.M.E. is the National Magazine Exchange and when you call they try to scam you into buying a bunch of magazines. The more crappy subscriptions you buy, the better your chance will be to win some GREAT PRIZES!
Obviously if you have come to this site looking for information on Pat Haines or N.M.E., you’re probably already hip to the fact that this is total BS. Here’s your confirmation.
Of course, if you like, go ahead and give “Pat” a call and screw with her. Have fun!
-
Rafael Palmiero is the Karl Malone of Baseball
Palmiero became only the sixth player to reach 500 home runs and 3000 hits. Karl Malone is statistically the greatest forward in the history of NBA basketball.
During the Palmiero era, I never once considered myself lucky to have watched his greatness. I never really even cared. (Same goes for Malone.)
Longevity does not equal greatness.
Next up: Aerosmith is the Karl Malone of rock n’ roll…