Ranch Dressing

I used to love ranch dressing — at times, it was my favorite bottled dressing. There is this pizza place in Richmond, VA called Chanello’s that serves ranch with their pizza and breadsticks, and, although this is hardly beneficial for the arteries, when I was in college it friggin’ rocked.

About 5 years ago, I went out to a pizza spot for lunch with a few people from this contract job I was working. While I was getting myself some napkins and silverware, a girl spilled a cup of ranch dressing down my pants leg. Devastation! I didn’t really know the people I was with and the girl was very apologetic, so I had no choice but to take the incident in stride. I did everything I could to wipe off the dressing and gritted through lunch.

Unfortunately, I was not close to home and I had no way to change, so I was stuck with RanchPants for the rest of the day. It was brutal — I reeked of ranch. Some people talk of bad vodka or tequila experiences… me, I had a bad ranch experience. Ever since that day, I haven’t been able to stomach it at all. I can’t stand the ranch!