The Heinz Hoodwink (and Other Ketchupy Thoughts)

I ate 3/4 of a bottle of ketchup the other night. I didn’t really mean to do it, it just kind of happened. Let’s face it, when someone goes out to happy hour and doesn’t get a real meal until about 11pm, ordering a sausage and cheese omelet and hash browns is one of the only acceptable choices. And what goes better with that than ketchup? Ok, so maybe not so much ketchup, but you get the idea: I really like ketchup.

Speaking of which, is there anything more obnoxious than ordering a ketchup-friendly meal and discovering that the restaurant does not have Heinz? Watery Hunt’s just doesn’t cut it! Once in Richmond, Virginia at a pizza place called Mary Angela’s (which, despite what I am about to tell you, has the best pizza in Richmond), the bottle of Heinz on our table had run out. I went up to the counter to get more, but quickly recoiled in horror as I watched the waitress fill up the friendly Heinz bottle with drivel from a big tub of HUNT’S! Utter devastation!

This happens more often than you think. Ever wonder why sometimes the Heinz flows right out of the bottle and other times it is difficult to get out? Because IT’S NOT ALWAYS HEINZ. Next time your ketchup comes out a little to easy, pay close attention the flavor… You are probably a victim of the Heinz Hoodwink.